Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
