HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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