WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
