Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
