oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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