Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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