What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
