Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
