Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
