just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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