I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
