i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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