Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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