She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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