no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
