I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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