omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
