I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My bed smells like the plague
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
