Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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