He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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