is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sarcasm needs its own font
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
