if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Send help, water and tortillas.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
