Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
