i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize
