Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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