Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
