cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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