My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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