Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
