So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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