I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
