she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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