O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
