he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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