Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
