Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
