I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
