On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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