I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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