thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
