I just pynch a tree in the face
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
