I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
