I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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