Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
