dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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