Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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