It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
