Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
