he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
