I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
