Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
