Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
