I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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