Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize