In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
