It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
