He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
