They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
MIDGETS
????
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
