what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was confusing and full of hummus
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
