no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am mentally ready for anal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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