You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
