How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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