i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
