Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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