I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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