We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
