My liver just broke up with me...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
