My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
