Who wears a wallet chain?!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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