he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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