I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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