i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
