My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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