I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
