If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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